Teenage years can be tough. From the pressure to fit into social groups and keep up with appearances to perform well at school and form relationships, these newfound stressors can rattle many young peoples’ self-esteem. 

Parents and caregivers may not know how to help teenagers manage their struggles and they may not see the signs of low self-esteem, which can lead to serious mental health concerns, like depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and eating disorders. 

Teen Self-Esteem Awareness Month in May is dedicated to raising public awareness about the importance of self-esteem in teenagers and how it affects multiple aspects of their lives. 

To learn more about what self-esteem is and how to build healthy self-esteem in teenagers, we sat down with Kaitlin Corson, LMHC with years of experience supporting teenagers build their self-worth and improve their well-being.

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is essentially your overall attitude toward yourself. It’s subjective, based on your opinions and beliefs about yourself. 

Your self-esteem can affect whether you: 

• Like and value yourself as a person
• Can make decisions and assert yourself
• Recognize your strengths and attributes
• Feel able to make changes and try new things
• Show yourself compassion 
• Show yourself patience
• Believe you matter and deserve happiness
• Realize that being yourself is enough 

What are the signs of healthy self-esteem in teenagers?

“How a teen compares themselves to others is a big indicator of their self-esteem. When a teen’s able to recognize their strengths and attributes in comparison to others or what they see on social media, they’re more likely to have positive self-esteem,” says Kaitlin. 

“Body image can be a major challenge for teens and it’s influenced by many factors, from media and peer pressure to pressure from family and dating. When a teen has healthy habits around eating and taking care of their body, this can be an indicator of positive self-esteem,” adds Kaitlin. 

Of course, self-esteem can look different for every teen, and it may change as they go through developmental stages and life changes. 

Some signs of positive self-esteem in teens include: 

• Setting realistic goals
• Forming positive relationships
• Recognizing and celebrating their accomplishments
• Setting boundaries
• Advocating for their needs
• Accepting their self-image
• Nourishing their body 
• Trying new things and taking on challenges
• Speaking kindly to themselves and others

What are the signs of low self-esteem in teenagers?

“A lot of teens struggle with self-esteem when it comes to their academic performance. They may feel like they’re not good enough or smart enough, and struggle to recognize their other attributes and accomplishments. It’s important for parents, caregivers, and educators to really listen to how the teen talks about themselves and how they react to setbacks,” says Kaitlin. 

“Another indicator of low self-esteem in teens as we pop is if they’re eating less, showing disinterest in food, and disproportionate involvement in their self-image. Are they throwing out their lunch, skipping dinner, or spending more time than usual getting ready for school and speaking negatively about their appearance? These are all signs to look out for and can indicate low-esteem and potential risk for disordered eating,” adds Kaitlin. 

Additionally, young adults with low self-esteem may: 

• Avoid a task or challenge without trying: may indicate fear of failure or a sense of hopelessness
• Negative self-talk and comparisons to others
• Difficulty accepting compliments
• Unable to recognize their strengths, attributes, and accomplishments
• Relationship struggles or difficulties making friends: may indicate a sense of isolation, social anxiety, or depression 
• Negative moods such as feeling sad, anxious, guilty, ashamed, or angry 
• Low motivation 
• Negative body image and poor eating habits
• Earlier sexual activity 
• Drinking alcohol/using substances to cope with life stressors

How to build healthy self-esteem in teenagers with therapy?

“I’ll utilize a lot of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques when I’m working with teens to identify and challenge unhealthy thoughts and comparisons with healthy thoughts that foster confidence and self-acceptance,” says Kaitlin. 

“When teens are struggling with negative thoughts about themselves, it can be helpful to step into a third person perspective. I may ask them, “How would you talk to a close friend or a loved one if they were struggling with this situation? What would you say to your friend in this situation?”

“I also like to work on positive affirmations with teens. Sometimes, with body image struggles, it can be helpful to come up with a more neutral and accepting affirmation, rather than forcing positive thoughts. One affirmation I like to offer to teens is, “My body is here to support me.”

“Art therapy can be a really powerful tool for working on self-esteem with teens. Drawing, dancing, music, and other forms of art provide a creative outlet for teens to express thoughts and feelings, build confidence, improve emotional regulation, and gain awareness of themselves.”

‘I’ll also help teens work on boundary setting, which is essential in helping teens respect themselves and ask for respect from others. As teens navigate dating and forming relationships, lack of boundaries can lead to dating abuse, sexual abuse, and bullying.”

How to help teens build healthy self-esteem in teenagers as parents or caregivers:

“Sometimes, how teens perceive themselves is influenced by their family environment. Parents and caregivers may unintentionally contribute to teens’ low self-esteem or negative self-image through their own negative comments. It’s important for parents to become aware of how their words and actions can impact their teen’s sense of self, and to replace negative self-talk with self-acceptance,” says Kaitlin. 

Family therapy also provides a safe platform for parents and teens to discuss sensitive topics related to body image, peer pressure, relationship struggles, and peer pressure. With the support of a trained family therapist, teens may feel more empowered to express their thoughts and feelings without fear or criticism,” adds Kaitlin.

Therapy for Teen Self-Esteem in Massachusetts:

If you suspect that your teen is struggling with their self-esteem, it’s important to seek support from a trained mental health professional. Our teen counselors in Massachusetts offer an individualized approach to meet the specific needs and goals of the client. Teens will learn coping skills, problem-solving strategies, and develop effective tools to meet life’s challenges.

By focusing on self-compassion, mindful awareness, and healthy thinking patterns, teens will develop positive and lasting self-esteem.

Our trained therapists in Massachusetts are here to support your teen with therapy online or in-person from our offices in Amherst, Natick, Franklin, West Springfield, or Wilbraham, Massachusetts. To request an appointment, please call us at (413) 343-4357.

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