For many of us, new year’s resolutions are often a “pass or fail” kind of goal. 

We ask ourselves, in moments of self-reflection, what we want to add or to remove from our lives and promise ourselves that we’ll stick to our plan. 

When we approach goals from an “all or nothing” mindset, we often feel an enormous pressure to fundamentally change who we are. This kind of scarcity mindset can lead to negative reflection on who we are and the direction our life is taking at the moment. We might start to experience feelings of anxiety, depression, and low self-worth.

This year, we invite you to re-imagine what a “resolution” means to you.

Reframing Your Goals

If you’re searching for transformation in your life, you may start by re-framing your goals from something you have to achieve to something that aligns with your values. 

For example, instead of focusing on going to the gym four times a week to lose weight, you may start by telling yourself that you’d like to focus on your health more. 

With the goal being more of a positive intention to be healthy, and less of a rule to achieve weight loss, you’ll find a myriad of ways to succeed and surprise yourself along the way.

Starting Small

We may unintentionally set ourselves up for failure by making big goals beyond our reach.

Try to start with small, measurable resolutions that you know you can achieve. This way, you’ll give yourself plenty of time to accomplish your goals and gradually increase your efforts along the way.

Adding an Element of Fun

When setting our goals, we tend to put a lot of emphasis on working hard and hustling towards success. We might even decide that we’ll have fun after we’ve reached our goals. 

While using our time wisely and monitoring our progress serves an important purpose, consider that having fun and enjoying life will not only make our goals easier to achieve but will create lasting memories along the way. 

We respond strongly to enjoyable tasks, and we’re more likely to stick with those tasks when we feel a sense of fulfillment while executing them.

Having fun also opens us up to opportunities to connect and create bonds with others. So, rather than strictly sticking to the procedure, when we start having fun and enjoying our lives, we feel aligned with our goals and open to possibilities.

Creating Relational Resolutions

The new year gives us the opportunity to evaluate our relationships with others and consider the betterment of our relationships, too. 

This might look like writing a gratitude list and reflecting on who and what we’re most grateful for in our friendships. Or, we might send a weekly email or a monthly letter to a friend or family member who we haven’t seen in a while.  

When reflecting on our relationships, we might ask ourselves:

• How can we keep the fun alive in our relationship?
• How can we spend more quality time together?
• How will we handle conflicts and bring them back to a healthy resolution?
• What is the most important thing to us about our relationship?

Ultimately, when we feel connected to others, we’re motivated to take positive action and show more compassion.

Staying Kind to Yourself

When we’ve fallen off course or feel like we haven’t succeeded at a goal, our default may be to beat ourselves up. 

Instead of punishing ourselves, which only pushes us further away from our goals, give yourself grace and self-compassion. 

If you have difficulty speaking kindly to yourself, you might ask yourself, “What would I tell a friend or a loved one who has been thrown off course from consistently working on their goal?”  

In these instances, we would encourage our friend to be kind to themself, and to remind our friend of their positive qualities and past accomplishments. In doing so we can help them remember the whole person they are.  

We all need encouragement sometimes, and it can be wonderful to remember to encourage ourselves that we have accomplished goals in the past and we can do it again.  

Another way to practice self-compassion is to remind yourself that a setback is just a moment in time and doesn’t define your entire year ahead. Next time you slip up, vow to rearrange your schedule so that you can hit your goal in the coming week.

Working With a Therapist Along the Way

If you’re struggling or feel like this New Year may be challenging for you, it’s a good time to seek support from a trained mental health professional. 

Our therapists and counselors at Handel Behavioral Health offer many kinds of therapy which may allow you to feel more grounded and secure through the new year ahead. 

Whether you’re looking for support on reframing your present circumstances, forming intentions for yourself throughout the year, or just want an empathetic and trained person to talk to, our therapists are here to help. 

To start working with one of our therapists in our offices in Franklin, Amherst, West Springfield, Wilbraham, Natick, or online throughout the state of Massachusetts, contact us today at (413) 343-4357.

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