You may think that couples counseling is only for partners whose relationship isn’t working, but actually all types of couples can enjoy the benefits of couples counseling. 

“Many couples start counseling around a crisis, such as an affair, or worries about a partner’s growing substance use. Some feel criticized by their partners, while others have difficulty managing conflict. Often couples will talk about communication problems. Couples may even start sessions when things aren’t bad at all,” says Bob Chabot, LICSW.

No matter what issues you and your partner may be struggling with, your therapist can help you discover each other’s emotional needs and perspectives, promoting empathy, resilience, and understanding in a supportive and nonjudgmental setting.

“Our goal as couples counselors is to enhance a couple’s understanding of each other, reinforce connection, and create healthy pathways of communication that ultimately lead to increased happiness and mutual respect. While this may not always be possible to achieve for each couple, arriving at a decision about whether to move forward together or apart amicably is part of the journey as well,” says Alexandra Malin, LMHC and Clinical Supervisor with HBH.

We sat down with Bob Chabot, LICSW and Alexandra Malin, LMHC and Clinical Supervisor with HBH to learn more about couples counseling and how couples can move forward in their relationships with therapy.

What are some potential signs that a couple may benefit from couples counseling?

“If a partner increasingly feels unheard, misunderstood, or treated with a lack of respect, then they may benefit from couples counseling,” says Bob Chabot, LICSW. “If disagreements escalate into hurtful comments, are left unresolved, or if there are important issues a couple cannot discuss openly, it’s an essential time to seek out counseling.”

Other signs you may benefit from couples counseling:

• You’re frequently arguing 
• You’re not communicating well
• You’re growing apart
• You’re struggling financially
• You’re experiencing trust issues
• You’re going through a major life change
• You’re holding onto unresolved issues
• You’re wanting a healthier relationship

“Coupes counseling requires openness, commitment, compromise, and motivation from both parties because the work is hard. It requires partners to be able to offer one another opportunities to speak without interruption and most importantly respectful words and body language,” says Alexandra Malin, LMHC.

How do you approach issues that couples bring up during sessions?

Intake: 

“It all starts with the intake interview,” says Bob. “I start with a question about why the couple has chosen to pursue counseling at this time. I ask for each partner’s perspective on the problem. I ask for the couple’s history; recurring conflicts; and if there are other concerns they have.”

Forming a deeper understanding of the relationship:

Bob says that he likes to ask couples how they met, what drew them together, and how they like to spend time together. To gather a deeper understanding of their relationship, he’ll ask each partner what they learned about marriage from their parents.

Exploring the issue:

“Once a problem area is identified, we explore it to the fullest. The history of the problem, the way such issues were handled in each partner’s family of origin, beliefs underlying each partner’s perspective, and what they have tried in the past to solve the problem,” says Bob. 

Finding potential solutions:

“Then we proceed to potential solutions. I like to give couples homework that they can practice between sessions,” says Bob.

What are the potential benefits of working with a couples counselor?

It can be extremely helpful for couples to have a neutral third party to talk to. 

“A couples counselor provides a nonjudgmental listening ear with marital and family relationships. They will facilitate the couples process of moving forward by helping them clarify the issues and work necessary to develop a more satisfying relationship,” says Bob.

“As therapists, we’re mindful of managing discussions that may be fueled or loaded. Our job is to create a safe space for each partner to be heard and understood, while providing useful reflections and direct guidance that ultimately leads to progress within the relationship,” says Alexandra.

What advice would you give to couples who are interested in couples counseling but afraid to start?

It’s completely normal to feel uncomfortable and intimidated about embarking on a new journey, like couples counseling. Your nerves are part of the therapeutic process and your therapist may even ask you to discuss your hesitations and overall expectations.

“If a couple, or even one partner, is questioning whether or not couples therapy may be beneficial, they should get an early start and pursue a session,” says Bob. “In truth, most couples can benefit from couples counseling, and many wait until it’s too late.”

Bob says that it’s also important for couples to know that they have agency in deciding on a therapist who’s a good fit for them.

“A first session will not tell you everything, but you can tell by a therapist’s questions and manner how the sessions are likely to proceed. You may decide to interview with several therapists at the start. You can also ask your therapist questions about their style and approach to couples counseling,” says Bob.

Start Working with a Couples Counselor in Massachusetts today:

If your goal is to feel better about yourself, your partner, and your relationship and you desire to change something in the relationship but need support in doing so, our therapists are here to help.

At Handel Behavioral Health, many of our therapists provide couples therapy online in Massachusetts or in-person from our Amherst, West Springfield, Franklin, Natick, and Wilbraham offices. 

To start working with one of our experienced couples counselors in Massachusetts, contact us today at (413) 343-4357 or request an appointment online.

About The Author