We all sometimes pretend to be someone we’re not to fit in. For those with autism, especially girls and those who have yet to be diagnosed, hiding traits that society deems “quirky” or “abnormal” becomes a second nature. 

This is called “masking” in the autism community. It also appears in those with ADHD and other stigmatized mental health disorders.

Common Signs of Masking

Many don’t realize that their coping mechanisms could be a form of masking their symptoms. Some common masking behaviors include:

• Stopping or hiding their stims (hand flapping, rocking, tapping)
• Overexaggerating facial expressions deemed expected
• Forcing eye contact, sometimes overdoing it
• Adapting to or mirroring tone of voice and level of enthusiasm 
• Trying to reduce physical expressions like wincing from an uncomfortable stimuli 
• “Scripting” or planning out exactly what one is going to say so they can more accurately predict the outcome

Why do autistic people mask?

Masking may be done consciously or unconsciously from negative experiences of showing certain behaviors. 

Adapting to one’s environment can make it easier to fit in and face less stigma or discrimination. 

Showing an autistic trait can often lead to being infantilized and not taken seriously in the workplace, at the doctor, or other serious situations. 

The social ramifications of behaviors like hand flapping can be hard on those with autism. Masking may help them face less staring or bullying, and can allow them to be more accepted socially and make friends. 

“Faking it ’til you make it” can sometimes be true for masking. Building one’s social confidence may indeed help them initiate friendships and slowly become okay with their true selves around people that care about them.

What are the negative effects of masking?

While masking has some short term benefits, it can cause more problems.

The effort required to constantly adapt and push down one’s natural tendencies can cause exhaustion and burnout. Autistic burnout can lead to a total shutdown of one’s ability to socially present.

This exhaustion can also lead to meltdowns from being unable to hold it in any longer, for example, not letting oneself self-soothe by stimming can lead to a buildup of emotion.

Not being able to be who you can lead to self esteem issues and depression. Masking for many years may make it confusing of what parts of you are really you.

Holding back one’s true self to fit in means that no one really knows the real you. You may not be sure if people would be your friend or accept you if you weren’t masking. This can make one feel totally disconnected from their relationships, and lonely. 

Masking may even delay diagnosis if one is suppressing their symptoms. 

How can I avoid burnout from masking?

To prevent exhaustion from masking, people with autism should take extra time to recover after social interactions. 

Some people use the “spoon theory”, an energy management system used and coined by those with chronic fatigue. Depending on your energy levels, you start the day with “x” number of spoons. Each task has a spoon value, and you must decide what you can accomplish in the day without exhausting yourself.

Masking is not a permanent solution, but it can feel like you don’t know who you are underneath it. Spend time figuring out who you are and being yourself. 

You can also find friends who you can “unmask” around, such as other autistic people. This will cost less “spoons” per interaction, and eventually build one’s self esteem.

With your loved ones, be sure to express your preferences and boundaries. If they are unable to accommodate you, it will be up to you to decide if or for how long you spend time with them.

How can I support someone who masks?

It can be hard to recognize if someone is masking. It is important to educate oneself on it, and to ensure you are a safe space. 

• Making your home, classroom, or workplace a sensory-friendly can be helpful for everyone
• Be mindful of their boundaries and aware of their triggers
• Be understanding and nonjudgmental when someone is self-soothing with their stims
• Allow space and grace during a meltdown
• After a long day of socializing, give them time alone to decompress or let it all out

Therapy for Autism and Masking

HBH has a number of compassionate and experienced therapists who understand the difficulties those with autism face in society.

By working with one of our trained therapists, you can expect an individualized treatment plan to help them improve their communication skills, social skills, and develop self-care routines to avoid burnout.

Our autism spectrum disorder therapists are available for telehealth therapy online or in-person from our Amherst, Franklin, West Springfield, Wilbraham, or Natick Massachusetts offices. 

To start working with one of our therapists today, contact us at (413) 343-4357 or request an appointment online.

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