Suicide Prevention Month aims to raise awareness and provide resources on how to have a meaningful impact in the lives of those who are struggling with suicidal thoughts. Here at HBH, we understand that while therapy is an important part of one’s mental health journey, making sure someone has a support system beyond that is just as critical.

Reaching out to loved ones when having thoughts of suicide is difficult and brave, but it can make all the difference. But not everyone has the skills or resources to provide proper support during such a sensitive time.

If someone reaches out to you for help, let them guide the conversation and choose your words carefully. Instead of relying on common pleasantries and platitudes, focus on communicating genuine care and listening.

 

"You're not alone."

You’ll hear the term “you’re not alone” often when experiencing suicidal thoughts, and it can feel unhelpful in the moment. While true, with 12.1% of people having had thoughts at least once in their lifetime, the statement can feel impersonal.

Often when we are in that headspace, we feel alone not because we don’t think other people feel the same or that people don’t care, but for fear of reaching out and still not getting the help we need. Especially in times of community crisis, such as through the COVID-19 pandemic, we know that everyone is struggling, and so reaching out for support can feel burdensome.

A more apt saying would be to “look for the helpers.” Those who dedicate their lives to helping others are our community’s greatest hope. Once you open your eyes to support systems outside your own bubble, you will see that there are people out there who are willing to help and have the skills to do so.

"Things could be worse."

When thoughts of ending the pain of your mental illness are becoming unbearable, hearing that things could be worse does not magically make it better.

There will always be someone who “has it worse”. Who among us has not been reminded to be grateful, as there are starving children out there, when we can’t finish our dinner plate? Does finishing our plate feed the hungry? Does throwing it away send a notification to a starving child, who will curse you for not relishing in those Brussels sprouts?

Or does it continue the cycle of guilt, when we are already so confused about our feelings?

Comparing our struggles to those of others denies us the right to be unhappy with our own circumstances.

Instead of reminding someone that things could be worse, remind them that nothing lasts forever, even when it feels like it will. This too shall pass.

"Things will get better."

In the same vein, telling someone that things will get “better” is just as disingenuous. Life has its ups and downs, and things will constantly be changing for the better and for the worse.

If you have the belief that things could not possibly get worse, and then they do, it can be devastating. It will feel like everything is going wrong and will continue to go wrong. This can lead to spiraling thoughts and nihilistic opinions on the world.

Instead of trying to make them visualize a future they’re not yet capable of seeing, sit with them in their hurt, and commiserate with them that their situation does, in fact, “suck” right now. Acknowledging their pain before trying to fix it may help them feel validated.

Try explaining that the only constant in life is change. What is beautiful about life is that it has ups and downs, it is all as ever-changing as the seasons.

"You can't do that to your loved ones."

While for many, the reminder of those who would be left behind to carry on your hurt can be the reason they stay.

But for some, the reason for their sadness may be due to family issues or a lack of a community. Some may truly think their loved ones would be better off without them, or that there is no one who would mourn them. Some may take it as you calling them selfish, which could lead to more feelings of self-hate and guilt.

It can be the little things that give a person a reason to stay. It could be staying for their dog, or that the next season of their favorite show hasn’t come out yet. Maybe they’ve always wanted to try something they haven’t gotten the chance to yet.

Try to remind them what parts of life have yet to be enjoyed or discovered and of the vastness of the human experience. Instead of telling them who will miss them, remind them of what they will miss.

"I hope you're doing okay."

Yes, one day they will be okay, but today isn’t that day, and that’s okay too.

On a personal note, my friend’s father passed away last week. She has gotten an absolute outpouring of love and support from our friend group, but she and I spoke about the little things that were frustrating her. One of these things was “I hope you’re doing okay.” She is not, and that is okay.

It is okay to not be okay. In fact, if you’re feeling okay immediately after a negative event, you may be unintentionally repressing your emotions. Keeping things bottled up will only prolong your healing, and the hurt may come out in ways you can’t control.

Healing is nonlinear; you may be okay one day and not the next. Keep note of any upward trend, and celebrate those wins as they come.

Here to Help: Therapy for Suicidal Thoughts and Ideation

If you find yourself unable to provide the help your loved one needs​, help them first create a safety plan. A safety plan can include various coping strategies and a contact list of who else they can talk to, including professional help, such as from a qualified mental health counselor.

Handel Behavioral Health understands the seriousness of the public health crisis regarding youth mental health and suicide. As the third leading cause of death for people aged 15-29 in the United States, it is our duty to help those who are struggling to avoid further tragedy.

The mental health professionals at HBH recognize how difficult it can be to speak about suicidal thoughts without fear of being judged. Our therapists are trained to understand the difference between suicidal ideation and intent, and are ready to meet you where you are and tailor your care to help manage these intense feelings.

If you or your loved one is seeking professional help managing suicidal thoughts, our therapists are here for you.

HBH provides therapy for suicidal thoughts and ideation online or in-person in Massachusetts from our Amherst, West Springfield, Franklin, Natick, and Wilbraham offices. If you are looking to talk to someone about suicidal thoughts, contact us today at (413) 343-4357 or request an appointment online.

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Other Resources:

If you’re in need of immediate assistance, text “Hey Sam” to 439-726 to message with someone ready to help. Hey Sam is a free and confidential crisis text line and is based in Massachusetts.

SAMHSA – Find resources on how to help someone in crisis from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

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