Many of us have experienced some form of bullying in our schooling years and can remember at least one painful memory in which we were called names or felt excluded. 

And if so many of us have faced bullying, then it goes without saying that there are a lot of bullies out there too.

It’s not even that uncommon to be both victim and perpetrator when it comes to bullying, especially during the turbulent social dynamics of primary school.  

It’s important that parents and caregivers recognize the signs of bullying and take action to provide support to all parties in order to truly address the issue and create a safe environment for everybody.

I listened to the stories of three individuals and their experiences with bullying to inform my understanding of this topic from the perspective of both the victim and bully.

What Does Bullying Look Like?

Bullying involves repeated harmful behavior, often combined with a power imbalance that may be physical, social, emotional, or rooted in authority.

Common forms of bullying include:

• Social exclusion (being chosen last, left out, ignored)
• Verbal bullying (name-calling, teasing, mocking)
• Physical bullying (pushing, hitting, throwing objects)
• Relational bullying (gossip, rumors, turning peers against someone)
• Cyber-bullying (using social media to send hurtful messages or spread rumors)

It is important to teach children to recognize these behaviors as bullying. Children can struggle to identify why bullying is happening and can often internalize bullying, believing it reflects something fundamentally flawed about them. 

“Being consistently left out and made fun of felt justified at the time; that my behavioral issues were so awful, and that it was my fault. It made me really insecure.”

Who Becomes a Bully?

It is important to address why a child may be bullying others, as it is often a side effect of being bullied themselves, having issues at home, or a struggle with their own mental health.

Children who bully are more likely to have poor academic performance and difficulties with social skills. They may also struggle with emotional regulation, impulse control, and self-esteem. They often hold negative beliefs about others due to a lack of social understanding or from stereotypes heard at home or online. 

“I bullied them because they were different and I didn’t understand them. I’d never met anyone Black before. Once I got to know them, we actually became good friends. I felt awful about how I acted.”

Mob-Mentality

Not all bullies are doing it as their day job; often, children join in out of fear of being the next target, or because “everyone else is doing it”. Acting as a group reduces individual accountability and guilt, and children may not recognize their behavior as bullying.

“To fit in with the “cool girls,” it usually meant being mean to others. I’d been both a victim and a bully in the same group.”

When Adults Join the Mob

Authority figures have a duty to intervene when they see bullying. It is important that parents and caregivers not join in on teasing children along with their peers, even in jest, as it can be incredibly detrimental to their trust and self-esteem.

“I said ‘no one ever listened to me when I was a lunch monitor’, and in front of the whole cafeteria, she said, ‘well no one ever listens to you anyway.’ After that, I didn’t want to stick up for myself ever again. If adults agreed with it, then it must be true.”

How Bullying Can Affect Mental Health and Wellbeing

Children who are being bullied can face a number of both physical and mental health effects, including:

• Anxiety or depression
• Avoidance of school or social situations
• Low self-esteem or chronic self-blame
• Psychosomatic issues like chronic headaches and stomachaches
• Sleep habit changes and/or disturbances
• Substance abuse
• Self-harm and suicidal ideations
• Increased anger or violent behaviors

Recognizing any behavioral and health changes in a child can be vital in early intervention. For example, a child who often complains of a stomachache and wants to stay home from school or an activity may be experiencing significant anxiety from bullying and wants to avoid where it’s happening.

“I did really well in school, but it was emotionally exhausting. I was incredibly depressed and anxious. I ended up asking to be homeschooled for a year, and it was a break I needed.”

Without proper support, these effects can persist into adulthood. Many have persistent anxiety and depression, difficulty with trust and criticism, and relationship issues.

How to Support a Child Who Is Being Bullied

Supporting a child who is being bullied means being the kind of person they feel safe confiding in. This means consistently reinforcing their worth by showing your support, maintaining their trust, and respecting their autonomy.

When a child reports bullying, it is important to listen without minimizing or placing blame. Show your support actively to ensure they know they are being heard and believed, and will continue to self-advocate in the future.

Part of this support may be seeking a licensed mental health counselor with experience in bullying who will tailor treatment to your child’s age, personality, and experiences.

Some of the approaches used in therapy for bullying are:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps children identify negative beliefs, understand how bullying shaped them, and replace them with more accurate, self-protective thoughts. CBT improves emotional regulation, self-esteem, and assertiveness—key areas impacted by bullying.
• Trauma-informed therapy recognizes that symptoms such as withdrawal, irritability, or avoidance are adaptive responses to chronic stress and helps children process painful memories, reduce hypervigilance, and rebuild a sense of safety.
• Art Therapy or Play Therapy can be particularly helpful for younger children and can improve their communication and emotional expression.
• Social Skills Training and Problem-Solving Therapy can explicitly teach skills such as reading social cues, setting boundaries, handling peer conflict, and seeking help from adults to reduce vulnerability to future bullying and improve peer relationships.

A therapist can also help parents and caregivers navigate conversations with schools, advocate for accommodations, and determine when involvement is helpful versus harmful.

Seeking Therapy for Bullying?

With the support of one of our compassionate therapists at Handel Behavioral Health, children who have been bullied can rebuild confidence, develop healthy relationships, and regain a sense of safety in the world.

We also extend that same compassion and understanding to children who have shown bullying behaviors. Addressing both sides of the issue leads to a healthier, happier world for everyone.

If you are looking for mental health counselor for your child or therapy for bullying, HBH is here to help. Make an in-person or online counseling appointment with us by calling (413) 287-7168 or book an appointment online.

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